Sticky Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 7:5
Did you know that both Psalm 14:1 and Psalm 53:1 agree that “there is no God.”
If you look up those verses in context you’ll see it says “The fool says in his heart, ‘there is no God’”.
My initial statement is technically true, but contextually false. Similarly, I hear horrible marriage advice given based on verses taken completely out of context.
A reoccurring example is 1 Corinthians 7:5
“Do not deprive one another (of sexual union), except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
I’ve repeatedly heard this verse used to either:
Blame the wife of a porn-addicted husband for her husbands struggle. Or,
Force her to reengage with him sexually despite his present sexual addiction.
First, blaming the wife for the husbands sin is ridiculous on its face because it implies that single men are excused from sinning because they don’t have a wife to fulfill their “needs”.
Second, forcing her to reengage sexually while he’s still engaging in lust requires additional context in 1 Corinthians and a deeper understanding of God’s design for marriage and sex.
The chapters that precede chapter 7 are about unity among church members and fleeing sexual immorality. In a city steeped in sexual immorality, many in the church believed that celibacy within marriage was more holy based on ascetic teachings. In chapter 7, Paul is answering their questions about this (which is why he starts the chapter with “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, it is good for a man to have sexual relations with a woman.” To many in the church, this was novel news. Verses 3-4 then talk about mutual submission and mutual love and respect.
Before we dive into verse 5, may I remind you of what Paul says in Ephesians 5:32. He says a great mystery since creation is that marriage was designed by God to reflect His love for His church. Echoed in verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”.
From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible tells a breathtaking story of a husband (God), pursuing his wayward bride-to-be (His people) with whom He longs to experience perfect unity. If we dig into the analogy further, we see 66 books showing God’s pursuit which climaxes in the ecstasy of the marriage supper of the lamb in Revelation 19. Sex, being the pinnacle of human intimacy, represents the celebration at the marriage supper where God will be perfectly united with His people forever. This is why there’s so much eroticism in Scripture, including Song of Songs, because it’s building our suspense for the perfect love/unity we’ll experience in eternity.
Notice how the supper follows the pursuit of His people, by the same token, husbands being called to love their wives is a call to recklessly pursue intimacy with their wife and allow sex to be a celebration of that unity.
In Scripture, sex is a gift given freely from one spouse to the other as a sign and fulfillment of their unity. When sex is forced/obligated on a wife who is reeling from the betrayal of her husband, it’s forcing her to give of her most intimate self to a man she doesn’t feel united to. This seems scarily close in sentiment to rape. Unity builds intimacy, sex is the celebration.
So, how do we understand this verse in the full context of Scripture?
Sex was designed by God and is very good.
The assumption of sexual intimacy is predicated on there being committed relational, emotional intimacy.
Couples must pursue ever-deepening intimacy so Satan doesn’t get a foothold in their marriage or their individual lives.
It is NOT a copout for guys to get sex from their wife while being lazy in their pursuit of her.
